Over the river and through the woods you shall find none more awesome

Genesis concert videos are pure awesomeness and have been played before my eyes in heavy rotation throughout my life, starting with the Mama Tour when I was about 7 or 8 years old. My mom used to let my sister and I pick a VHS tape each week to rent from the local video store and usually sister had to put up with the In the Cage medley while I had to endure some Disney cartoon nonsense. As I grew larger and therefore needed to feed my growing hunger for live Genesis, I picked up all the others, including Three Sides Live which I was really excited to watch because that is one of their best sets ever put together.

Musically, the DVD is not a disappointment and there are some wonderfully awesome Phil Collins moments of course, like this one:

Phil Collins takes a break from performing lead vocals AND drums
to a sold out stadium crowd to give you the bird in fucking sweatpants.
FACT: You will NEVER be this awesome. 

But then somewhere in the middle they cut to Collins in the 93.3 WMMR FM radio station studio being interviewed and taking questions from listeners. This is where the viewing experience becomes squidgy -- can you spot the stupid question?

That was a trick question. They are all stupid questions. And they are all from the Philly area---MY area---and I am always ashamed when I fast forward through that part to get back to the concert. But of course, our perfect Phil answers gracefully and intelligently, with humor and a friendly smile. If I was some cunty 80s pop star that took questions like that I would have rolled my blue-shadowed eyes and flicked my feathered and crimped hair with my lacey-gloved hand. But in the autumn of 1982, Phil Collins was a gracious dude answering some questions without an ounce of ego (or ridiculous 80s fashion I might add) to be seen. He also talks about how he selflessly bails out Peter Gabriel's broke ass a few years prior which is not surprising given their tawdry love affair. 

If I was to ever be presented with the opportunity to speak in his awesomeness's presence, I would probably say something completely unintelligible and stupid after I was revived from fainting in my own nervous hot wee wee. But I know Phil Collins would offer me a towel and a smile in return. 

Phil Collins PDA #1

And so begins a new series I like to call Phil Collins PDA. This is where I show you how much Phil Collins loves to show affection because he has a heart 100000x bigger than the biggest thing you could ever imagine.

For the first in this series, I give you a Genesis fan's wet-dream:

Phil Collins loves his bandmates.

Check out more bizarrely awesome Phil + Genesis graphic designed erotica at
http://prog-rock-facts-i-made-up.tumblr.com

Do You Re-Meme-ber?

I am very busy at the moment tending to a lot of insignificant things in my life (read: non-Phil Collins related) so I am going to be lazy and post a bunch of awesome Phil Collins memes for this week's dose of PC sweetness. Because that's what you post on the social medias when you don't have time to think for yourself, right? 

Phil Collins made television awesome for 60 minutes......well, kinda....

Question: What do John Candy, Ice-T, Dr. Dre, Henry Mancini, Barbara Mandrell, Paul Shaffer, John Travolta, The Ultimate Warrior, Vanessa Williams, Gilbert Gottfried, Don Johnson, Bruce Willis, “Weird Al” Yankovic, and Jefferey Tambor, have in common?

Answer: They all agreed to be a part of this circus cheese called “Seriously...Phil Collins” that aired in 1989 to promote his…But Seriously album tour because they love and adore Phil Collins so much and didn’t want him to look like the only ass clown in the program. 

Observe....

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Do you know any one that would do this for you? 

I didn't think so. 

Like I said, this is total butt cheese television; however, what makes it totally awesome is that there is not a trace of egotism to be found. Collins just bumbles along through this much in the same way I imagine my dad or my 5th grade teacher would do. In all my years of being a fan, I have never seen him give off an air of self-centeredness or entitlement, and this cornballsack TV show shines an even brighter light on his unconditional humility.   

However, let me be clear in saying that Phil Collins should never do a TV special ever again, although if he did it would be a bazillion times more awesome than anything on right now.

Phil Collins: a humble soul who doesn't take himself seriously and is a better actor than John Travolta. 

63 years ago today, awesomeness was invented.

Happy birthday to our beloved Phil Collins! At the tender age of 63, he has done more with his life already than you would if you had 63 lifetimes to live.

Go on; celebrate, and add 12 minutes of meaning to your life: 

Reminder #1: Phil Collins is a man. You are just a mere attempt.

For this week's reminder, please follow the instructions below:

Step 1: Get a mirror.

Step 2: Hold the mirror up to your face.

Step 3: Look at your face.

Step 4: Look at this picture of Phil Collins.

Step 5: Look at your face again.

Step 6: If you are male, resist the urge to punch your face for being so incompetent and weak. If you are female, resist the urge to punch in the face every male you will ever meet henceforth for being so incompetent and weak. 

Phil Collins: making your face hate you since 1976.

Awesome fact about Phil Collins #2: Musicians need him to make them sound good

From left to right: Dude in Black Shirt, Dude in Black Shirt’s Boyfriend, Dude Trying To Hold In A Second Fart, A Photobomber, Some Chins, Dude Smelling That Other Dude’s First Fart, and PHIL COLLINS

Phil Collins has been sent to this good Earth for many things, I’m sure, but the one I care about the most is his mission to be the best musician in the entire galaxy.

He has proven this time and time again by making recorded sounds of joy on many albums and live sounds of ecstasy in concert halls around the world with his long-time band Genesis and his own band. All of these endeavors have produced platinum albums, #1 singles, and hundreds of sold out arenas---so it comes as no surprise that a few other musicians hanging around would beg for a just a few drops of his pure awesomeness.

It all began in 1970 when Collins was only 19 and asked to play percussion on George Harrison’s “The Art of Dying” from his album, All Things Must Pass. Not only was this the best song on the album, it was also the best song to be released in 1970.

In 1974 Genesis decided to pay their producer Brian Eno for his services on their album The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway in Phil Collins drum sessions for Eno’s album, Taking Tiger Mountain (by Strategy). Later Eno may or may not have said, “Genesis gave me the choice between a Lamborghini stuffed with £100,000,000 and Phil Collins drumming. I didn’t even have to think ONCE about that!”

He impressed Eno so much, he was asked to drum again on his albums Another Green World and Before and After Science. Listen to this to know why (and try not to soil yourself in the process):

Collins went on to collaborate---I’m sorry, I mean help out----other musicians with his drums, sprinkling the pure awesomeness wherever it was needed. A few notable saves include: David Crosby’s Thousand Roads, Paul McCartney’s Press to Play and Mike Oldfield’s QE2. And because he’s such a dude, he helped out his ex-Genesis bandmate Peter Gabriel on his album Peter Gabriel (3) and would play live with him from time to time, because let’s face it – it’s the right thing to do and the Universe needs it.

When Collins wasn’t drumming for himself or Genesis or other musicians in crisis, he also somehow found time to produce a few albums. He’s produced Frida Lyngstad’s (ABBA singer) first album, Something’s Going On and Eric Clapton’s albums Behind the Sun and August. And of course on all of these albums he produced he also drummed and/or sang because as the saying goes, “garbage in, garbage out.” Collins also toured with Clapton in ’86 for some shits and giggles after the release and tour of his multi-platinum, multi-eargasm album Invisible Touch with Genesis.

I am sure there are other examples out there of his grace and goodwill towards musical humanity, but I need to go to bed now so I can thank God I got to live another day to hear Phil Collins music. If I missed any other notable collaborations, share with us via a comment below. But for now I leave you with a brief video clip of him blessing all ears that can hear with Brand X---which his career with is an Awesome Fact About Phil Collins unto itself.

Phil Collins: YOU’RE WELCOME, musicians.